Perhaps this is odd for a first blog but I've been wanting to get this out. I need to get my thoughts and maybe seek out the wisdom of others (If others even read this)
As of late I've found myself very disgruntled with life. I'm struggling with day to day chores/routines and just the basic every humdrum of life. I'm not depressed. I don't desire free time away from my children or anything like that but I am just in a funk that I've struggled getting out of. Part of it is lack of help from my family, especially with the house. The rest of it is stress over bills and our current financial status. I am unhappy with my husband and sometimes even my children . I feel like they do not respect me
In the midst of all of this, I feel like God is trying to teach me something. It's a hard lesson to learn, especially when I feel like I'm getting very little support (again, with the house) but I'm trying. Goodness knows it is hard when you have family members that are untidy and it's all left to me to keep things together. So, here I am, not just trying to follow flylady routines but I'm starting to try to follow the first example of a flylady. The Godly Wife, the virtuous woman outlined in Proverbs 31. Flylady is fixing only the outside when I honestly feel like I need some fixing up on the inside
Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.
She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.
So here I am musing and thinking and trying to figure out where I fail and where I need improvement. What can I learn from the following verses. We've been studying this in Sunday School and let me tell you...I need a LOT of work. Breaking it down
The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
This is an area I need improvement in. Doing no evil to my husband. I NAG. Yes, that's right. I'm admitting it. Is my unhappiness with my husband really because of him? or is it because of ME? To be honest? Right now I am feeling as if my husband cannot safely trust in me. Sure, he can trust I won't cheat or things of that nature. But, my anger, my attitude and my nagging is seriously failing him right now. So when I start laying blame to him, the guilt is really mine.
She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.
She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
All of the above scriptures are describing a woman who isn't afraid to work. A hard and willing worker. A worker who is also generous. Her husband is known by the elders of the land, not because of himself, but because of the work that his wife has put into their family. She has clothed them, she has made a name for her family, for her husband. He is proud of her and he is known because of her. My gosh, I fail at this. I work at home but I am not a willing worker. I am lazy, I'm admitting this fault. I would rather spend my time on the internet, facebook or playing games than I would to work. When I am stressed about our finances, is it really all of my husband's fault? Or is part of my stress due to the fact that I've dabbled, been unfocused and not had the drive to do all I can do? I need to learn to spend my time wisely and worry about games and entertainment after I have completed my duties as a wife and mother
She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.
The law of kindness? Did I mention me nagging? Idleness? Did I mention my internet addiction? Oi, I think I'll just stop while I'm ahead so I don't think of all the areas I'm failing right now and focus on the positive...
I am setting myself clear goals, I am going to try to stop nagging and when I feel that irritation creep in, I'm going to write down everything I'm feeling and point those fingers back at myself. I nag and place blame because it makes me feel better. Sure, they have their part in this but I need to stop assigning blame and fix myself first. My unhappiness is not with my family. It is with me.
It is time to get my act together and become the Godly wife I should be instead of blaming everyone else for my own failure.
Now comes the hard part...HOW DO I DO THIS? I mean, obviously I'm praying and seeking God and all that. But how do I not get discouraged when I don't see immediate results in the home? When the house is wrecked and I'm all "alone"? It's hard not to become discouraged.
The Christmas Singing by Cindy Woodsmall
