Why I am not observing Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day|October 15

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

It happens every year since my first loss in 2009. October 15th rolls around and I post a graphic on facebook about the wave of light. Friends give me their condolences for Angel and Evenstar and the entire day is spent in utter misery.

Last year was a low point for me. Maybe it’s because on October 15th of last year I had a four week old. I was hormonal for sure, and sad. I was sad because I live with the fact that I’ve had a miscarriage on a frequent basis. The pain becomes bearable but it feels like people forget that I’ve experienced loss unless I remind them. That is why it made me sad. For those that know my soul and heart, why are you scared to talk to me about my loss? You know me; I’ve told you time and time again that I’m open to talk about my babies. I need to. That's hard. It's hard for friends and family to even know when and what to do or if they should say anything at all. I can't speak for anyone else but I'm speaking for myself when I tell you that I'm not hurt to talk about my babies. I'm hurt when I feel like everyone else has forgotten them

Now, it’s true. We all grieve differently and I certainly will love, honor and show support for mothers when they choose to share their wave of light and their candles. My heart goes out to you all on this day and on every day of the year. By all means, I'm not putting this practice down. You shine your lights and deal with this the way that you need to and I will be here to support you all the way.

I however will not be lighting my candle on this day nor sharing graphics this year. Instead, I’ve chosen to celebrate my children’s life by looking for ways to give to other grieving mothers—throughout the year. I support Now I Lay me Down to Sleep and frequent a couple of support groups where I try to offer a lending ear to mothers who are struggling. I’m also interested in becoming a NILMDTS photographer in the future. These are ways that I can honor my babies and remember them.

I’ve a friend who crochets things in remembrance of lost babies and donates items to hospitals. So, if this idea suits you…don’t think that there is nothing you can do. I’ve seen lovely jewelry pieces that provide a lasting memorial for grieving parents as well. If you’re not crafty, how about just dropping a note to a mother who has lost and let her know that you’re thinking of her. You don’t have to bring up the loss—a simple, “Hi, I’m thinking of you” is appreciated more than you could ever know.

Get involved. Change lives. Remember all of our babies through the whole year. One day a year is simply not enough to honor the little lives that have left a part of us so broken and incomplete.

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